Bringing the Love
My characters aspired to be intense. They longed to achieve goals they weren’t yet aware of. They strove to find their way to each other despite getting in their own way.
I had plotted ad nauseum the journies they would take. I had created a whole world around them. I knew who I wanted them to be.
Yet when I imagined my characters in their story, I could only connect with them on some vague horizon. They were flat. One dimensional. They lacked heat. I sensed that as plainly as I felt their potential.
All the words were in my head. All I had to do was travel them out through my fingers and onto the keyboard. So what was my hang up? I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong.
As usual, I did some research. Sought out author wisdom. Found a webinar.
According to Mary Adkins, author and writing coach, I need to allow myself to be vulnerable and bring my emotional experiences to the page.
It is an Aha! moment that is utterly terrifying. Seriously? Break down my walls? When I’ve worked so hard to build them?
I stopped seeing my therapist because of all her insightful and invasive questions. She encouraged me to define my boundaries. So I did. I drew a hard and fast line between my present and my past. Healthy? Probably not. But since I’m not dealing with severe trauma, I am happy to compartmentalize. I am a master compartmentalizer.
“But enough about therapy. ”
The scary thing is that this isn’t about my characters. It’s about me. I have to dredge up my own feels. I get it. I understand why. My favorite books are the ones that have me weeping and laughing. The best is when I’m doing both at once. It’s called escapism for a reason.
The truth of this revelation has me ready to delve. I’m here for it. But I can tell you, this is where the work begins. I feel that boundary, the elastic membrane in my mind. It is almost tangible, the sensation of pushing up against it.
I had some breakthroughs this week. I began with my lady MC’s relationship with her father. That feels safe. I’m wading in cautiously here. I think it’s a good strategy.
I’m spending quality time with my characters, although it’s setting my timeline back. This is a solitary exploration, and I have no more insights on the matter.
This is where I am at right now. Until you see it on the page. For now, I leave you with this...
